life sUx u nOe...and iTx stInkz bAdlY...wAd d hecK aM i doINg in diS stUpid woRld?!i tOrt eVeRyThinGy wiLL be fiNe...bUt wHy evErYtimE whEn i thinK dAt life is a bit bEtTA le reAliTy sEemz tO pROve mi wRonG!!!dAmn thIs plAcE...stUpid life...i raThEr diE~
itx the 1st time i've seen him in the library since we broke up...he sat wif us reading his history book again...but at least he still comes and sit wif us...i dunno why and i dun wanna noe...but we were doing our own stuffs den...den we went for lEarnin jourbey...actually is juz to go and see the fAbric of the nation...not bAd lArz...see le alMost pUke onli wAd...so mAni...i wonder if the people sewing it got puke not...hEEx...den went to mos eat wif the galz...saw azaleas and gang...wif daniel...he realli gay arhz?alwaez wif galz...cant stand...his actions oso gay...chia, bev and carol oso sae so lorx...*goOSepimPLez* evoLuTion of sinGapore mEn?eeeee die le lArz...wRe can kAo him to proTect the coUnTry?!omg...
haiz...cAn i get a beTTa liFE?!dis sux u nOe?i reaLLi wiSh dat i can jUz vAnISh from the sUrfAce of the EaRtH!
"i dun want wanna noe...if u'r playin mi kip it on the low...Cause my heart can't take it anymore...And if your creepin...please don't let it show...Oh baby... I don't wanna know"
haiz wAdz happenin to my life?itz all screwed up...sianz...or shud i ask wad the heck happened to mi?itz not my usual self...wre am i?life is so sleepy dez daez...other den him my mind is alwaez sleep...i dun wanna escape frm reality but my mind is makin mi do it!haha...well seeMz like i muz plAce all my hopes on physics and study it well if not i'll be failing all my subjects le...fail chem and maths saturdae test cant fail physics as well... =( pw is v sianz...
im stressed...physicalli, mentally, and wadever -ly dat can be stressed...haha oH Lord sAve mi...shall i cut my hair short?juz like guy...hEex...ohh i got gold for napfa =)
hMmm i met pat todae...while was on the wae to deli to do pw...haha so mei now...haha...oh yah...dat dae i went to tok to ms lim...she asked mi why am i so stressed lidat...asked mi okie nots...well of cuz sae yah de lorx...not xi guan in pouring out my feeling to the teachers...but dunno why dis time i did so...guess ms seah oso noe bah...but not the details...hmm she told mi, up there were sayin mi and scott dun suit each other...and told mi lots abt love...haha and comfort mi alot...thx mS lim =) ...but one thingy i dun understand is why dun we suit?in wad area?i dun understand...am i realli so darn dumb to not realize things or wad?i duno lehz...even scott thinks dat we dun and i guess im the onli one whu think otherwise...mayb cuz i love him too much...muz realli let go...if not im the onli one sufferin...realli affects mi lotz...teachers sae the bubbly side of mi is gone...ms lim, ms ong and ms seah....haiz...got mah?onli when im alone bah...i still got crap and luff along wif everyone mahz...well mayb when time pass it will be bac to norm le haha...i love smiles...wre is cheery shuhui?
muz call myself shuhui again...if not i scared i will forget im shuhui haha...well...was readin bev's blog jux now...i realli agree dat why am i in jc in the 1st place...or shud i sae why do i wanna go?izzit merely cuz i cant afford to go overseaz?now i wanna study overseas...i wanna see the world...Singapore is so small, sad and tiny place...haha...doubt i wud ever hav that chance...i used to sae if scott was accepted into cjc instead we wudnt hav met...wud it be diff den?will we be brought together by fate den the whole story jux continues?u mean i cant escape from all this sadness?or mayb the person whu wud make all these happen whu be him?den there wun be an ending to all this lor... -_-" for now...i jux wanna realli accept the fact that we cud onli be frenz...can i do it?guess so...but not so fast ba...im silly yah?hMMm...he used to alwaez tell mi, " dun be silly..." did i realli become silly le or am i jux darn silly? "-_-
i've not slept well since the breakup...im suffering from missin u...sch and stress...and of cuz sadness too...the 1st ting dat came to my mind when u forwarded dat msg to mi was snow...not moon...itz rather true...cuz i love and miss u...
i stayed up last nite to study my chem for todae's tEst...bUt i guEss i wiLL stiLL faiL...iM jUx uSelesS larz...i cOuld uNderstanD evErythinGy...bUt i didnT hAv the time to dO the qUesTioNz i nOe...didnT hav eNuff time...sO soRRi...mS sEaH...i diDnT meAn to disapPoiNt u oVer and oVer again...afTer dAt wAs my chiNesE pAper...v tiRed...dUn hAv the coNcenTraTion to Do it...aND guess i'Ve wriTTen oUttA point for mY comPo tOo...hE ainT in sCh todAe...pOn tEst, pOn debAtE...duNNo...didnT mSg mi the wHole dAe...and iM feeLin sICk nOw...hEadAche, nAusea and sliGht fever...mAmA got tix to Ndp previEw...bUt go alOne...siAnz sO dun go lo...
u nOe...if we didnT sPliT...itz oUr 1st month anNiVersAry...weLL at firSt i wAs lOOking foRwaRd to it...bUt nOw iT reminds mi dAt iM frAgile inSiDe...mAyb yE wAs coRrect...i aint as sTrong as i seeMz to Be lorz...but Not dAt weaK riTez....haha
i remembered dat oN dis dAte...a moNth agO...we fell together den kiSsed for the 1st time anD u sAid "i love u".and held my hands startin the 1st dae of our relationship but 13 daez lAtEr u toLD mi wAD happened anD asKed for mY decisioN on whethEr we shOuld continUe notx...i was huRt...and i was afrAid dat i miGht be hurt iF we were to conTinue...sO i shOok mY hEad...tHe next secoNd i regReTted my decisiOn.....den u asked mi if i bear to let it end i shook my head agaiN...and we continued to be together...i was happi cuZ at least i feel wanTed...bUt sAd cuz iM not suRe whEn wiLL u sae dat we will end it...den in sch the next dae...i wasnt avoiding u...jux dat i wanted u to approach mi to tok to mi...but lOOks liKe we haD a miSunDerstaNDin...and i was depReSsed the whole dae...i criEd...
at nitE...i mSg u to askin, " do u stiLL love mi?"...u changed the toPiC saying dat u wiLL caLL mi lAtEr...i was glAd at leaSt u reMmeber u haD to caLL when u said u wiLL...bUt my heart wAs broken once agAin...we stArted too faSt anD u sAid iTz bEst if we diScontinUe for a period of timE...anD u stiLL didnT anS mY questIon...aftEr we spliT...i was having the hOpe dat u wiLL come bAck to mi...i knEw u wun...so i lied to mYself over and over again...i knew ur anS all along...i guEss dat nite...u told said dat we shud giv another try cuz i was crying...not cuz u realli wanted to...
things had happened so fast...one month ago u said u love mi...i was so happi u did...one month later i tell myself...dat u are not coming back to mi animore...life have to go on...the intentions of hurting myself was gone....once again...buT nO matter wAd...i wiLL stiLL love u...u will alwaez have a special place in my heart...even thouGh iTz onli a shOrt time dat we were togethEr...i muz thAnk u for giving mi wonderful memoRies...i love u...so im lettin u go...
siAnz...i wAs aLmoSt lAte for sCh toDae...ruShed in jUz before nAtionAl anthem...phew...v sLpy arhz...todAe wAs piA-ing mY chem tutoriaLz...i cAnt aFford to flUnk my sAt tesT mAn...iF not mS seaH woUld be super diSapPoIntEd in mi lE... =S
hMmm toDae got investiTuRe reHeaRsaL again...waH...kinDa siAnz bUt cAn poN tRg so nVm bA...reaLLi beGinnin to hAte bbAll cUz of tRg...hAiz...soBz man...oHHh i hAd diNner wiF scOtt anD frEnz aND my bro, zhOnGyi...cUZ scOtt waited for mi toDae =D hEEx..den tOOk tRain bAck...hEEx...
iM supEr slPy mAn slPt at 3am lAst niTe...wAs doIng my worK...siAnz toDae a lvl oRal...waH lAst 2 persoNz to tke...nVm bA...sit thEre tok shun biAn see scoTT plAy teNNis froM faR...haha...i miSsed hiM...soBx...
stArt oF muGGinG caMp le...soBx...i caNt fLuNk mY tEst agAin...cAnnoT!!!!
i fluNked my testS!mAtHs. and cheM...soBz...terribLe i mUz stArt mUgginG caMp liAoz...cant slAck aNiMore...
todaE wAs a raTher terriBle dAe...wAs aLmoSt late for sCh!den forgot to bRing my tRg stUffs anD pHySics tuToRiaL...stUpid wor...
todAe is hiS oRaL...hOpE he doEs reaLLi weLL...weDnEsdaE mY tURn le...hMMm...jUX nOw afTer sCh...BEfore mY reHeaRsAl, he sAw mi wiF soNgyu...wOnder if he got liKE unHapi abT iT noT...cUZ mi n sy kinda close frenz...i hOpe noT...hOpe dat it doesnt giv hiM the wrong ideA...haiz doUbt he wiLL lArz...soBx...
i realli dun wanna leaVe him lorx...it breaKs mY heart whenever i see him and nOe dat he haD left mi...bUt i canT stAnd the daez whErE i duN see hiM cUz i wiLL miSs him loTx...and i stiLL cant fuLLy let go even aftEr my hair cuT...wAd the hEll lorx...y do i liKE lOve him sO mUCh?
"dun let go of my hands, cuz if u do i will fall and hurt mYseLf..."
and "itx been agEs siNce u sAid i loVe u...bUt i wan u to noE...i am still loving u..."
u Noe...iT mAke oNli be the 4th dae after oUr breaKuP bUt iM feeLin much bEttA nOw...mUch mUch betTA...esPeciAlli todAe...cUz he went out wif mi...i mUx sae dat i reaLLi enJoYed hiS comPany...the oNli diff wAs he iS nO lOnger my bOyfreN... ="(
we wenT to pLAza sinG bUt the earliest time slot is 6.50...tOO lAtE!!!so we wEnt to ciTyhAll loRz...
we waTChed wiNDstrUck toDae...had been pesTerin hiM to waTch siNce iT oPeNed...iTz greAt...and toUchinG!!v nICe moViE...den we waLked to clArKe quAy...chAt...yah...den tOOk a bus to buGiS...waLKed ard...anD bouGht diNner hOme for mUmmY...on the wae bAck we met fOOkAi at the buS stOp...on the bUs we toKed a bit lArz...bUt when fOOkai asked iF he's mY bf, he saiD nO...alThOuGh iTz trUe...bUt i doEs hUrt mi muCh...soB soBx...
oH yah...i got mYself a new hair cuT...feeLin so mUch betTEr afTer i cuT my HAir =) mAyb iTz sOme pSychO stuffs lArz...im not as depressed...alThOuGh i stiLL loVe hiM alOt...the prObLem nOw iS im nOt sUre iF he stiLL hAv feeLinz for mi...i hOpe hE doEs...cUZ i think unlEss thErE iS reaLLi nO pOssiBiLity dAt we wiLL ever be toGetHEr agAin...iF noT i wiLL not force mYself to forGEt mY lOve for hiM...yAh and he tickle mi again...sO bAd...
he left mi...i cant tke it lorx...i doUbt he even love mi aniMOre...if nOt why he chanGed the topic when i asKed hiM if he still love mi?iM feeliNg shAttered...broKen inTo a millioN piEces haVing ppLE aRd me teLLin mi dAt we weRe not meAnt to be...cL dAt he feeL dAt i wAsnt hiS type...dO i giv uP or sHud i coNtiNue to hOpe dAt we wiLL hAv a chAnce to be togeTher in fUture, after we nOE eaCh oTher beTTa...
i duNNo...i jUX cAnt cOntrOl mY eMotioNz...mY heArt iS sO heAvy...i dun bear to pArt wif hiM...i duN...
"the people who realli care wun hurt you, but if they do,u'll see in their eyes, for they'll be hurtin too." does dis apply to him? ="(
"AsK mi wHy i kip on loVing you wHen itx cLeAr thAt u dUn fEeL the SaMe wAe fOr mi...thE prObleM ix dAt as muCh as i cAnt forcE yOu to love mi, i caNt fOrce mysElf to stoP loVing yOu..."
i saw it coming...but i didnt noe dat it was so soon...for once i tort God had finalli send u...but he seems to want to tke u back...
"Sae that u never stopped loving mi, but jux for this moment that u didnt let it show..."
"And as i stand here lookin at u, i wonder if there will ever be a dae when i will get over ur smile...when i will let go of the hugs u gave mi, or whatever happens to us...i noe i could never get over, let go, or forget u..."
toDae.....duNno why whOle dAe like not hAppi...mOOd swiNg dAez...gueSs is cUz he diDnt come to sch todAe...hAiz...sO mUCh work to do! i jUx finIShed pW!aNd i stiLL hAv so mAni tUtorialz to do!oMg iM liKe...ruShin tHru?!hAiz dun even noe wAd i noe or duNNo...hAiz nO mOOd to bLog lArz iM goNe!!!
whAHAHa todae yOuTh dAe...toNiTe gReeCe vS portuGal haha...
afTer chuRcH wenT to sNk agAiN...wiF yeye...bUy clOtHes for yI gEge...hAhA...waH sO shioK mAn!go thErE eVeRy weEk hAhAha...den afTer dAt go hOme loRx...den hOr v fuNNi...jUx reaChEd hOmE oN com...mR scoTt-iE deAr caLLed mi...sO gO oUt loRx haha...
wRe did we gO?
wAtErFrOnT loRx...hAha As uSuAl loRx...nO wrE go iS liDat de lArz...siT thErE chAt, slAck, sLeeP, plAy, etC lARx...hAhA...den plAy lOck...whA lAo eH sAw so mAni mercs cAb, police car...civil def. haha so mAni...
at hOme siAnz liKe heLL aRhz!sO tIRed sLepT sO earli...hAha
miDniTe waKeY uP waTch tHe lASt 10 min oF tHe 1st hAlf tHe mAtch...haha den fEll aSlP agAin...yAy...grEEcE woN!!!
deN nOw? in sCh...dO duNNo wad...hOliDAe lehz!!!!stiLL hAv tO do woRkz siAnz liKe heLL arhz!!!
teRrible man...afTer oBs sO muCh woRk hAb to cAtCh uP oN...soBz lA...eSpeCiAlli pW...cAnt stAnd...reaLLi cAnnot make it loRx...
wAh the raShes are mAking mi iTch liKe craZy...*scraTcH*
oHHyah yesTerDAe we went to OCS...sO mAni aH binG ge...got taLL, short, cuTe not so cuTe de haha...the plAce nOt bAd loRx...aLthOuGh i wEnt thErE beFore lE lA...mAke mi hAv tHe urge to join thEm man...haha mAyb can siGn oN...bUt den iTz not wAd i waNNa do in futUre...iT seeMZ fun aND gud bUt i think wHen we geT iN iT wUd bE v (to pOwer of infinity) toUgh...den i'LL die in thErE...haha...
oH yAh...i sAw gAbRieL but he nV see mI lehz...i oN bUs he oUt there walKin haha...and warM yAh...after dat we wenT to the shOppin centre thEre...iZziT caLLed jUroNg poinT?i forgot...haD mOS buRger for diNNer anD lUffed oUt loUd...yAh we sAw mS Ang anD bf haha...den we went to the oeT shOp to get bEv's haMstEr's fOOd anD lOOk at the pUppiEs...sO cuTe... =) tOO tRaiN bAck aND at oUtRaM we wre so ugenT TO pEe...we went out the station jux to pee and wAlked ard chiNAtOwn den go hoMe...
haha 8 plUs hOme le...buT was hanGinG oUt dwnStAirs for abT 2 hrs alMost 10 den go uP...he's tired so aM i...*yAwNz*
